MY DEAR BRO. THATS A GUD STEP THAT U HAVE TAKEN MAY GOD HELP U TO OVERCOME ALL THIS AND I WISH U LUCK IN YOUR FUTURE

Iam overwhelmed by youre posting ..iam happy you made a positive change ..you such a wonderful person at heart just dont l imit youre abilities ...thats a very positive step youve made ...God speed my brother ...amazing

Thank you kazimoto ,Pearo ,Sniper,Lisa for your
response .Never though i would receive response .

I went through psychological abuse that affect my confidence and self esteem but i now realize cant blame others.

I highlighted my story after i read nation magazine 'Maureen with Jose story' Sept 6,2008 and felt am headed to similar direction and kept the issue burning in my heart .

My girlfriend who lives in upcountry (come from same home area) while i live in Nairobi have never had time to ourselves and her visits usually last for 2 days.

Of late i found out that we attended same primo for a while thus have been strangers as we don't each other well.She has however went through a lot with her family but i have never opened up to her my life and u guy are the first to hear my story.

After her first visit with my daughter to my digs my neighbors realized why i didn't have men talk on chic (they had accused me of being gay since the never saw me with chics in my digs).

Am yet to introduce my chic to paros but they know about it coz i view it as a failure since they invested so much in my education and had anticipated a family when i will be 32yrs (am 27yrs) and was a true believer of true love waits and sex is for married people .My best friend beleives i hold onto religion so dear though not saved .

Am a non smoker and non alcoholic and have tried locating NACADA offices and partner with them as sometimes i shy off mentioning that am non alcoholic .I have noted the organization is coming out to the open through the media advocating for behavior change .

I have participated in community development for 3yrs part time during my high school and college life but i think i ignored my feelings .

My girlfriend and I have organized a 1 month stay in October with each other as we discover ourselves and accept reality .

I appreciate your response and will keep u posted .

It seems like there's a lot that's not going well for you and i'm guessing you are feeling quite overwhelmed. So let's get some perspective. You may be feeling hopeless right now but you may not realize that you actually have something positive going for you. You have actually taken the time and effort to seek help. And that is something that you should feel proud off and also use to motivate yourself.
Instead of trying to deal with all your issues at once let's break them down to small easier to solve units, starting from the easiest. You are a grown man self sufficient. There is nothing you can do to change the past and how your father treated you. So make a conscious decision to simply let it go.
Number two, you don't have to spend sums of money to get counseling. Pastors, church elders, priests and imams all work for free. If this doesn't hold any appeal, try opening up to a relative you feel you can trust, even if you're not that close. It may be a little awkward but never underestimate the spirit of charity in others.
Isolating yourself is simply not right, it fosters those paranoid feelings that undermines your self confidence and esteem. Try volunteering somewhere in your free time, helping others will not only make you feel better about yourself, you also get to meet new people. You may even come to realize that there are more people in huger problems than you.
You have to become an active daddy in your child's life. Avoiding it only makes you feel worse, another source of your low self esteem. It may sound scary being a father but take it one day at a time and don't be afraid to make mistakes. Make your child's happiness your own.
Through all these time remember that everything takes time. Tough times today pave the way for happiness and joy tomorrow.

Now you can be anything and only what you want to be ....its a matter of choice ...remmber what you think you attract it one way or another you own what you believe in ....so take away all the negative things in youre life past or present ..and tell youreself i want to be this kind of a person ...sounds crazy..uh huh .... but think positively and you tell me i was right ..... many of us attract all kind of garbage from our past and even present and blame others for whats happening when we have the power within us to change that ....say this from today onwards i want to be caring,;loving,kind,appreciative and live this commitment see youreself as this wonderful being .. look at youre gal as bundle of joy and youre girlfriend see them a a blessing ..at youre place of work look at positively make good out of what you see,hear,touch see beauty in everything around you......Believe it or not you shall over come all what troubles u ...remmember it starts with you. make a positive change now .

Just be there for them and the mother to your baby will appreciate that. That will boost your self esteem especially when you get rid of the guilt that shes doing it alone. Be there, Love them. Show them that love. Realise that this is between you and them and no one else. You will find fulfillment by being a caring father. Mary the mother of your baby so you can bring her up together. There's nothing more beautiful than that. Thats what you missed as a kid. Give it to your kid man.

Hi am a bit confused by your story. You say that you live on your own so who takes care of your child?
All i can tell you is that you need to start by appreciating yourself. Once you learn to love yourself you will be confident and you will be able to have a good impact in your daughter's life. Do you love your daughter's mother?
Use the little time you have out of work to be with your daughter and her mother. They will appreciate and you will appreciate them.
This forum might be able to help you get on your feet but remember, even with counseling, you must first believe in yourself and visualize what you want to become. All the best